My
last post on shame was a bit of collaboration of different struggles
that I have observed friends and others going through. I hope to post
the follow-up “reply” letter soon, but after this week, I decided
to write about something personal first.
I
don't desire relationship (whether romantic or otherwise) because I
want to fulfill my needs surrounding security, loneliness,
self-discipline, spiritual maturity, spiritual status, direction and
goals in life, or who I am. I desire relationship because I have
intellect, emotion, wisdom and a love for adventure that I want to
share, and because I see in someone else intellect, emotion, wisdom
and a love for adventure that I want to learn from and partake in
together.
Have
you ever noticed that people often only stop to engage in real
conversation when something is wrong with you? People are
often only interested when there is a challenge to be overcome. So,
in the end, does the challenge or the actual person take precedence?
I
get frustrated with both guys and girls that fall “in love” (what
a desecration of the word love!) because the other person is “hard
to get.” Love isn't a game. Fault me for being too wholehearted,
but when someone offers love willingly and freely, don't scorn
it...the real excitement and fervor has just begun.
But
I understand. If all you think of in a relationship is the romance or
vulnerability, then once you have mastered it, the fun is over. But
relationships are so much more than that!
Relationship
is partnership: Men and women were not created to get married for
sex, for mere companionship, or even for starting a family. No! They
were made to go together because they had something to accomplish
through marriage, a task of caring for the world together, of getting
married not just because they loved each other, but also because they
loved the people around them.
Marriage
is ultimately public in its purpose – and listen why! I went to a
spoken word/guitar event last night, and on the way home, some girls
had a conversation that went like this:
“I
love to draw, but wish that I was talented at spoken word.”
“But
you are so good at drawing!”
“I
know, but I can't really share it with people, unless it's a museum
or something.”
“Oh,
so you just want people to know how awesome you are?!”
“No,
it's just that art seems to mean something more when it's shared,
when you can bless others with it.”
Is
it not the same with marriage (or friendship)? It loses sweetness
when it is not focused around the deepest desire to work alongside
one another as a display of art and harmony, to change this world and
the next.
Relationship
is intimacy: The saddest reality is that it is often easier to love a
stranger than a close friend, easier to communicate with a love
interest than a boyfriend or girlfriend. I think fear holds us back a
lot in this regard, because we don't take risks when we have
something to lose.
But
if we fear losing intimacy, it's already lost.
Relationship
is entrepreneurship: It's more than just getting to know the other
person. The act of speaking does more than define – it creates; the
naming of a relationship does more than identify – it alters; love
does more than explore – it invents.
Love
should be like standing on the precipice of a mountain, with the wind
in your face, thrilled and enlivened by the thought of reaching the
distant ridge with footsteps that have never fallen because only you
can take them, in ways that not even dreams have known.
Relationship
is convicting: When you meet someone that has entered into God far
more than yourself, that seems more alive to the world than you, that
loves more and more deeply, it is heartstoppingly convicting. There
is nothing more humbling than to accept when someone truly loves you.
To
be amazed, blessed, and convicted by relationship with a person is to
love and be loved.
