The heart of intimacy

My last post on shame was a bit of collaboration of different struggles that I have observed friends and others going through. I hope to post the follow-up “reply” letter soon, but after this week, I decided to write about something personal first.

I don't desire relationship (whether romantic or otherwise) because I want to fulfill my needs surrounding security, loneliness, self-discipline, spiritual maturity, spiritual status, direction and goals in life, or who I am. I desire relationship because I have intellect, emotion, wisdom and a love for adventure that I want to share, and because I see in someone else intellect, emotion, wisdom and a love for adventure that I want to learn from and partake in together.

Have you ever noticed that people often only stop to engage in real conversation when something is wrong with you? People are often only interested when there is a challenge to be overcome. So, in the end, does the challenge or the actual person take precedence?

I get frustrated with both guys and girls that fall “in love” (what a desecration of the word love!) because the other person is “hard to get.” Love isn't a game. Fault me for being too wholehearted, but when someone offers love willingly and freely, don't scorn it...the real excitement and fervor has just begun.

But I understand. If all you think of in a relationship is the romance or vulnerability, then once you have mastered it, the fun is over. But relationships are so much more than that!

Relationship is partnership: Men and women were not created to get married for sex, for mere companionship, or even for starting a family. No! They were made to go together because they had something to accomplish through marriage, a task of caring for the world together, of getting married not just because they loved each other, but also because they loved the people around them.

Marriage is ultimately public in its purpose – and listen why! I went to a spoken word/guitar event last night, and on the way home, some girls had a conversation that went like this:

“I love to draw, but wish that I was talented at spoken word.”

“But you are so good at drawing!”

“I know, but I can't really share it with people, unless it's a museum or something.”

“Oh, so you just want people to know how awesome you are?!”

“No, it's just that art seems to mean something more when it's shared, when you can bless others with it.”

Is it not the same with marriage (or friendship)? It loses sweetness when it is not focused around the deepest desire to work alongside one another as a display of art and harmony, to change this world and the next.

Relationship is intimacy: The saddest reality is that it is often easier to love a stranger than a close friend, easier to communicate with a love interest than a boyfriend or girlfriend. I think fear holds us back a lot in this regard, because we don't take risks when we have something to lose.

But if we fear losing intimacy, it's already lost.

Relationship is entrepreneurship: It's more than just getting to know the other person. The act of speaking does more than define – it creates; the naming of a relationship does more than identify – it alters; love does more than explore – it invents.

Love should be like standing on the precipice of a mountain, with the wind in your face, thrilled and enlivened by the thought of reaching the distant ridge with footsteps that have never fallen because only you can take them, in ways that not even dreams have known.

Relationship is convicting: When you meet someone that has entered into God far more than yourself, that seems more alive to the world than you, that loves more and more deeply, it is heartstoppingly convicting. There is nothing more humbling than to accept when someone truly loves you.

To be amazed, blessed, and convicted by relationship with a person is to love and be loved.