Life is a box of regrets, you never know what you'll get

     My life used to be consumed with regret, a cycle of blindness and disillusionment. Then winter break of 2012 came about and on the most ordinary of days I was speaking with my brother Ryan about the purpose of prayer, when much of what my last post was about came to bear, that each of us is set in a particular moment in history, that prayer is effective, how God optimizes the course of time and events to draw us to him. I cannot describe how my life flashed before me, and the retroactive immediacy of my new acknowledgment of God's redemption. Were regret to have a manifest form, in that moment, I should have seen it disintegrate on the floor. Many of my own mistakes since that time have caused me to have feelings of regret, but never have they again made me lose sight of God's loving-kindness and mastery over my situation.

     However, I recently have come to something new in the way of regret. I am ashamed of some of my own actions, incredulous of my attempts to put things to rights, and frustrated with my blind foolishness that has caused me to hurt others despite trying to seek after God's will. I have repented of much, and still regret nothing, in the sense that I see how God is working in all things. Yet the question which arises now is, with what spirit do I approach the consequences of my actions and selfishness? What do we do with situations that seem irrecoverable, especially when we are not sure we want to recover them? I hold two truths in my mind. One is that sinful trends in culture teach us to give up so readily when life seems unpleasant. The other is that sinful trends in culture teach us to hold on to that which is harmful as long as it gives us any satisfaction.

     But two other truths also intrude into my tainted mind. Acting in love is always the right course of action, which sometimes means holding on, sometimes letting go, and sometimes pursuing hotly that which did not seem possible before. The absolute confidence which we should have in God and His redemption should give us a clean slate, as we forgive others as we (finally acknowledge) have also been forgiven.

     I believe that God has made it possible for us to find life again, that He Himself repairs our mistakes, if we are willing to let go of our pride and accept His plan of restoration, so freely given at extraordinary expense to Himself.

~ ~ ~

     As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Eph 2:1-10

Equally Skilled

How miserable I am
I feel like a fruit-picker who arrived here
After the harvest
There's nothing here at all
Nothing at all here that could placate my hunger
The godly people are all gone
There's not one honest soul left alive
Here on the planet
We're all murderers and thieves
Setting traps here for even our brothers

And both of our hands are equally skilled
At doing evil, equally skilled
At bribing the judges, equally skilled
At perverting justice
Both of our hands
Both of our hands

The day of justice comes
And is even now swiftly arriving
Don't trust anyone at all
Not your best friend or even your wife
For the son hates the father
The daughter despises even her mother
Look, your enemies arrive
Right in the room of your very household

And both of their hands are equally skilled
At doing evil, equally skilled
At bribing the judges, equally skilled
At perverting justice
Both of their hands
Both of their hands

No, don't gloat over me
Though I fall, though I fall
I will rise again
Though I sit here in darkness
The Lord, the Lord alone
He will be my light
I will be patient as the Lord
Punishes me for the wrongs I've done
Against Him
After that, He'll take my case
Bringing me to light and the justice
For all I have suffered

And both of His hands
Are equally skilled
At ruining evil, equally skilled
At judging the judges, equally skilled
Administering justice
Both of His hands

Both of His hands
Are equally skilled
At showing me mercy, equally skilled
At loving the loveless, equally skilled
Administering justice
Both of His hands
Both of His hands

~ Jon Foreman