The Silence

     Love is not about personal fulfillment, but about giving your life for another, dying to self for another. This I know, but I have recently come to a greater appreciation and understanding of God's love for us. Strangely enough, I have rarely doubted God's kindness even in the midst of dark times. But I did not understand until now how it is that God lets us suffer not because he is powerless or wants us to “choose to love him” or even that he redeems all things, but because he loves us. He sees what we cannot, and allows us to feel what we would never wish upon ourselves, because it will bring about some necessary change in our pattern of thinking. We must not mistake his love, for it must pierce him to see how we suffer, and yet fill him with joyous hope for our coming maturity and understanding. May God give us all strength to emulate him in our own love. The amazing thing is that God does this not because he thinks less of us – no, no! He loves in this fashion because he delights in our personhood and in the individual talents which he longs to bring forth in us (all the more for his unconditional love that gives us dignity whether or not we are using those talents).

     How my heart is called out when I see that God's love is selfless, not just in giving up his son, but in that he is willing for us to despise him for our circumstances, just so that our ultimate good is achieved. I have never dwelt on God's love being selfless, not just sacrificial. Our purpose in life is to bring him glory, how can he be selfless? But he is!

     The Bible declares, “The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him in truth.” What I have always found surprising about God is that even though he loves us unconditionally, he requires one thing for us to know him, and that is to accept his love, via Christ's death and resurrection. He is not forceful or manipulative, but lets us go in silence, all the while giving us every proof of his love. My friends, accept the love of God. Yes, he puts difficult situations in our life, but it is so that we can be truly loved!

     I know that I frequently reference the words and music of Jon Foreman, but it is with good reason. His words are no less stirring than his music, which in my opinion, is a high standard indeed. He sings "the song that's inside of my soul" over and over again, and while not his direct original intention, this song is a wonderful human reflection of God's love. Jon Foreman's commentary following the lyrics remind me also that God is not out to consume us for his own benefit, rather to show that love is not about personal fulfillment, but about giving your life for another, dying to self for another. God is the ultimate fulfillment that will never be far from us, who is waiting for us to turn to him, and this weighty silence will be shattered in his grand symphony when we choose to no longer be alone.

Enough To Let Me Go

Oh
I'm a wandering soul
I'm still walking the line that leads me home
alone
All I know
I still got mountains to climb
on my own
on my own

Do you love me enough to let me go?
to let me follow through
to let me fall for you
Do you love me enough to let me go?
Back from the dead of winter
back from the dead and all our leaves are dry
you’re so beautiful, tonight

back from the dead we went through
back from the dead and both our tongues are tied
you look beautiful tonight
but every seed dies before it grows

breathe it in
and let it go
every breath you take is not your to own
it's not your to hold
Do you love me enough to let me go?

     I was thinking about how love (not just lust or codependency that commonly flood the tunes on the airways) actually involves quite a bit of faith. There's a lot of letting go involved. Two souls in love is an intricate dance of give and take. I can be a fairly solitary person from time to time. Sure, I love being with people, but I also need time alone. I guess I thrive on the poles. So this song is about the dance involved in a relationship the coming together and letting go. The song equates love with breathing- pulling in and releasing. Or a seed, for the seed to grow it has to be dropped and buried. 

     In our barcode media, love is often portrayed as consumption. As consumers in a commercial driven culture we can begin to view other souls as objects, or potential cures for our deepest fears and insecurities. "Perhaps if I found the right lover I would no longer feel this deep existential despair." But of course no human soul could be the Constant Other, the face that will never go away. Only the infinite can fill that role. But the silence can be deafening. It's a fearful thing to be alone. Do you love me enough to let me go? "I can't live without you"- "I would die if you ever left me"- These are not the songs of love, these are the songs of consumption.

~ Jon Foreman